Hair or No Hair? That is the Question.

We have accomplished a lot in the last few days. This has been a week of many firsts- first day of school, first day of dance, first IV chemo treatment, first radiation treatment, etc. I know the question that everyone wants to ask but is afraid to is , "Will your hair fall out from chemo?" I have been told by all the doctors that the form of chemo that is given for rectal cancer does NOT make your hair fall out. It may cause some thinning, which in my case my hair has been thinning ever since I had my first baby. Thankfully, I have thick hair so it must grow back quickly. Hair loss from this kind of chemo is a rare side effect. Good news for me, and another blessing!

I must admit when I went in to the chemo lab on Tuesday, I was not prepared emotionally for what I saw. There were about 40 reclining chairs in a large room with people hooked up to IV poles everywhere. I was one of the only people in the room that had any hair. Most everyone in the room was older. Some looked as though they had already died- laying down, drinking through sippy cups, no hair, eyes closed. It was very disheartening for me to see. My nurse was very nice. She introduced me to some other very nice patients who were there for chemo treatments as well. I was hooked to an IV that injected a clear substance into my vein for about 90 minutes. The ironic thing is that everyone's IV bag looked the same- clear like liquid. However, each bag contained extremely different variations of toxins. I am a lucky one. I was one of the few that received my chemo through a normal IV in the arm. Most everyone else had a port that was in their chest that the chemo was admitted through. Because one of the chemo drugs that is given for rectal cancer was developed into a pill form about 7 years ago, I am able to orally take one of my chemo treatments. I take 5 pills a day. Others must be given their daily dose through IVs, therefore must have ports put in to avoid being poked on a daily basis. Also, I have really good veins which is a blessing. I will go for my next IV dose on September 11.

The radiation is the scary thing for me. I probably have a hole in my stomach from all the worrying that I have done over the past couple of weeks. I am sure that many of you want to know what does radiation entail. The actual treatment itself is not so bad. It doesn't hurt. After several days of being drawn on with sharpie markers to get the measurements in place, being x-rayed, and being tattooed, I was finally ready for the real thing. Radiation is the BIG GUNS as one doctor said. It is the thing that will knock the cancer out faster. I was very nervous to have the first treatment done. First you lay on a bed on your back with your pants lowered enough to expose your upper hips and pelvic area (mainly so that they can see the 3 tattoos they have put on your body in order to align you correctly). Then they put the block between your feet and strap your feet to the bed so that you stay in the same position through out the treatment. Then you lay very still while the machine rotates under your body to give the radiation on the underside. Then it rotates around to the left and does another loud beep to expose radiation to that side. Then it rotates around to give the radiation on the right side. The entire process lasts only 10-15 minutes. The side effects are the scary thing. It can cause diarrhea, bladder infections and skin burns. In addition to making you very tired. For me the worst effect of radiation is the fact that my ovaries will be damaged, which will send me into early menopause. Another thing to contend with! I really wanted another baby, so this is an emotional issue that I am having to come to grips with. My doctors did not think it would be in my best interest to delay treatment another week in order to do an experimental surgery to move the ovaries out of the radiation field. They felt that it was essential to start radiation immediately. I feel very blessed to have 4 beautiful children already. Though it is difficult emotionally, I agree with the doctors that I want to do whatever they feel is best for my quick and full recovery.

I also met with my colorectal surgeon yesterday. He said that I would probably have surgery in December. It will require a 5 day stay in the hospital. Then another surgery 2 months later for a 3 day stay. At least we are making progress.

Over all, I am doing well. School started this week, as well as dance classes for the girls. That is going good, though it makes for a more exhausting schedule as any Mom can agree with. I feel VERY tired ( a tired that I have never felt before), which is extremely frustrating for me because I want to do so many things that I don't have the energy to do. My sister Rachel is here and has helped a ton around my house this week. I am so fortunate to have such a wonderfully close family. Everyone is really stepping in to help. My sister Rebecca has been here every day since my diagnosis helping out in one way or another. Jared's sister Jackie has picked up kids for me and had them over to her house. My Mom and Dad help with all the laundry and picking up kids. Jared's Mom has done grocery shopping for me, as well as helped with the kids any way that she can. I can't think of anything that hasn't been done for me. I am still humbled by all the gifts, cards, phone calls, emails, flowers, food, etc. that I continue to receive. Please remember that I do appreciate all the messages of encouragement and hope, even though I may not be able to respond to each of you as quickly as I would like. My time is very limited between doctors visits, treatments, and kids' stuff. Thanks again for all the prayers. I know that the Lord is with me every day. On another post I would like to share some of the sweet scriptures and quotes that I have been given to me that have been of comfort and strength. Thanks to my friends that put that basket together. What a creative way to provide comfort!

I love you all. Each of your desires to help and provide encouragement and comfort inspires me. It makes me want to be that kind of person. May you each be blessed for your goodness and faith.